Respect

Every now and again, I get a comment from someone in my inbox, loudly yelling and attempting to chastise me because I ‘have no respect for men.’ I can understand how, on the very surface, it could appear that way to the uninitiated. When you dig just a fraction deeper though, it seems to me that it should be ridiculous to assume a dominatrix hates men. Let me give you just a few reasons why:

  • We are (usually) sexually attracted to men, and choose who we play with based on whether we like them. It’s hard to like people for whom you have no respect. If I dislike or disrespect you, the fuck would I let you anywhere near me? And yes, that includes online interaction.
  • Dommes (hypnodommes in particular) devote a rather sizeable portion of our lives to helping men experience and understand their own needs and desires. Many of these men, we’ll never meet or speak to, and yet we care enough to spend hours and days on making sure they have a good experience. Why? Because we respect your desire to explore your sexuality. In a vast number of cases, the work you watch or listen to isn’t about us at all. It’s about you, and what you need as a sub.
  • In order to humiliate, hurt, restrain, restrict and control, you start from a place of love or care. We might laugh at you or make you do gross, stupid or ouchy things, but once the scene is done, you’ll at the very least get a ‘good boy’ and at most, a whole lot of praise and aftercare. We see men at their weakest and most vulnerable. If there were no respect there, we wouldn’t bother, we’d just go out for cocktails. Way easier.
  • It takes enormous strength of character to allow yourself to be under somebody else’s complete control. This is not a small thing. It’s huge. We have nothing but respect for any man who can put his pride and dignity on a shelf for the sake of pleasing a woman, even if that woman is not us. It speaks of personal security, strength, honour and chivalry. It’s impossible not to respect those qualities.

There’s more to it, of course there is. No doubt I’ll look at these few points later and think ‘oh, I should’ve mentioned this’. But it’s enough for now to get a feel for the subject. Respect is earned, and it should be mutual. Naturally I have no respect whatsoever for those who cannot respect me, and the same should be true for you too. But in my world, simply engaging in BDSM is not a reason to assume there is no respect. Quite the opposite is true.

And one last point before I wrap this up: Calling out shitty behaviour is not disrespect. If your domme of choice genuinely disrespects you, before you start shouting that she’s a bitch, perhaps look at your own actions and ask yourself why this should be the case. Perhaps there’s something you can work on there.

 

 

One Reply to “Respect”

  1. The feeling of respect is very much mutual. This goes for all Dommes, but the amount of work, passion, and skill that goes into every branch of what you do amazes me.
    Seriously, if you did disrespect men then you’ve found a really elaborate way to go up about it 😛
    Thank you for doing what you do and doing it so well!

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